I’m down for the count today–a gorgeous, sunny, in the high 60s kind of a day–with an awful case of “the cold,” as my 4-year-old describes it. (If “the cold” is like two dozen little elves in my head, poking my ears with spears, yes, that’s what I’ve got.)
How come my day alone–a prize for any mom–is filled with illness, cold medicine, and an overwhelming desire to sleep? I so wish I felt well enough to tackle the mess in the guest room…
What I do have enough energy for is (chocolate chips and) reflecting on my latest parenting dilemma….
The other day, I met the parent of a child my child has been mentioning in his “how was your day at school” stories. The parent was funny, we had things in common, and he was interested in a play date for our boys.
Then, I watched the boys interact. Maybe they were being silly preschoolers, but I didn’t like it. The words–why, oh why, do boys like the word poop so much! The poking and pushing. The generally not behaving well, or not in a way in which we approve. I had to intervene a couple of times when a fork was pulled out to poke my child. And, interestingly, at this event, my son didn’t want to play with the other kid, nor did he want the play date the other parent inquired about.
So, what do you do when you’re not necessarily a fan of the child your child spends time with–especially when you can’t really change anything about it? And, your kid seems, at times, unhappy with that other child–but, other times, thrilled with him or her?
My instinct is to stay focused on teaching my kids about good and bad behavior and treating people with fairness and kindness; to really, really hold the line on what television they watch and the other media to which they are exposed; and to, for now, hold off on that play date. Perhaps most importantly, my instinct is listen to my children. My son always asks, “Mom, can I tell you something?” as he’s about to introduce a new topic or show me something in a book. And, I always answer, “Baby, you can tell me anything.”
All other ideas welcome!
One Response
Really like you instincts. (my two are now 25 and 22) I like the instinct to not be confrontational (either with the other kid or parent) – my experience has shown me that that tends to make a drama out of it. AND causes our kids to step back from interacting on their own behalf. I like the instinct to not pull your child completely out or away from the difficulty, but to not add to it (extra play date) either. Again, helps them to stand up for themselves, learn how to choose friends and accept that there are all kinds of people out there! MOST ESPECIALLY love any choice that keeps the lines of communication open – when you’ve got a communicator, it’s a real blessing – and you’re spot on with the listening. I had one who said everything and one who was harder to read…but either way listening is key!